A little story about open loops and what they mean for our energy levels
OPEN LOOPS – WHAT ARE THEY?
I have been dreaming of building a business for over 10 years. Had a vague idea and lots of sweet moments fantasising about how good it will be when I get there. It was never an actual plan or a specific goal to work towards, but rather a blurry cloud of thoughts of this future me, idea that was changing shape with every new passion I discovered along the way or a skill I became good at during my ‘actual’ career.
Life went on and as the time passed, this idea never seemed to acquire enough power to pull me along, it almost became a habitual thought with a multitude of possible endings to swish around the head when my mind got a bit bored. Now, when look back at that structure my brain built to entertain itself, I can see it for what it is – a hole in a pocket that quietly and steadily dissipated my creative energy.
A dream that you carry around is an open loop. A job or degree you haven’t finished is an open loop; an email you haven’t responded, the book you haven’t read to the last page, the text someone didn’t send back when conversation wasn’t quite over yet; the job interview you went for and didn’t hear back from. All these things stay in our minds as loose strings of open loops, freely flapping in the flow of thoughts about what we eat, the cinema we want to see, which road to take to the shop, kids’ shoes that need washing, dry cleaning to pick up, big project deadline, weekends plans…
BRAIN LIKES CERTAINTY
Our brain does not deal with open loops very well – we, humans, need certainty for survival, a certain cycle of a beginning and an end before the new beginning. A cycle we can attach a meaning to and learn from, compartmentalise, and then stop actively thinking about. An open loop cannot integrate into the acquired learning fabric as an experience because it hasn’t fully happened yet. It hasn’t ended. Marketing gurus know this all too well by creating episodes that never have a definite ending, or the self-perpetuating social media feed that keep our eyes glued onto the screen for hours on end.
WHERE DOES THE ENERGY GO?
An open loop is an energy waster and, like a hole in a pocket, is very costly for your energy budget. Our solution-focused brain will go out of the way to ‘fix the hole’ to prevent this energy loss. These efforts can show up as justifications, fantasies (daydreaming), even feelings. We say to ourselves that he hasn’t called because he’s busy, or she wasn’t a good friend anyway, or the job wouldn’t be the best fit for you even if they did call back, it is not yet a good time for this dream to come true, but when it is, you will nail it…you name it. They do not quite close the loop though, because they have no meaning in your life story, they are just brain’s attempts to close the loop in order to focus on something else. How many times you came back to that unanswered text and found yet another justification for it, and then a few more possible explanations, sensing a growing feeling of annoyance, or fear, or sadness bubbling up? If you have many open loops at the same time, each of them with their multiple unresolved endings and secondary feelings that justifications create, you soon get overwhelmed and anxious, lose your focus and peace of mind.
Sounds tough! And it is – many people go through periods in their lives when they don’t know where their energy is disappearing, and do not have enough of it left to make a change.
SOLUTION IS SIMPLE… BUT NOT EASY
There isn’t one solution – and as a coach I wouldn’t be offering a one size-fits-all approach to begin with.
We know for sure, that your friend’s advice ‘Just forget it’ doesn’t work. But that aside, there are options: various forms of meditation, mindfulness, gratitude practices, martial arts to strengthen prefrontal cortex, journaling, talking therapies, counselling, coaching, a conversation with an attentive listener, these all let your brain to wilfully create a definite ending that has a meaning in your story, close the loop and let go of it.
They seem to be too simple to be true, almost disappointing. People often want something flashier and quicker: the newest superfood, or a nootropic cocktail, or a psilocybin séance in a weekend retreat. Understandably so – building a good personal mental health routine that works for years to come doesn’t happen overnight.
AND YES, YOU CAN TOO
My clients often come at a pain point when they want a definite answer – and soon discover that there is more joy is in the process of finding what works for their unique personalities, circumstances, and lives they lead. And yes, it takes some time to form a habit of mindfully closing the loops, but it starts paying off soon after with improved sleep, more clarity, better decisions, sense of fulfilment.
If you’re at that pain point in your life as you’re reading this, give one of these a go. Attach it to another routine, that already exists in your life, like right after brushing your teeth, or before the morning coffee, or after dinner – and stick with it for a week.
It could be this one thing that sets you off on a path to uncovering your own, personal renewable energy source. Once you notice how the reserves are filling back up, giving you enough energy to finally focus on that big, shiny dream of yours, this will feel like the biggest joy of all – a joy of a new beginning.